Where to begin? My birth could be a good place, but
then that would be to easy and cliche, wouldn't it?
Rather I think that I will begin now, when this age
is in turmoil, and I know where I am and who I am.
Krystofyr is not my real name. Rather it is a name
I can identify well with for some ungodly reason. So
for the purposes of this tome, (or journal) my full
name is Krystofyr Alyksandr Kravyn. My mother shall be
referred to as Kiri, and my father as Azael.
The story truly begins with a tale of love. Emotional
expression was always difficult for me, as I was raised
as an adult. Emotion and self-expression was unknown,
and truly unwanted in my life for a long time. I was
never sore about leaving home, as I long ago learned to
live life as a passive observer, following the intuital
river which guides all that I do. I realize that life
has it's twists and bends and that is what makes it
interesting, but I have always favored the 180 degree
spin that that one single word will put on all things.
When sincere, love the greatest gift that life will
allow, if one knows how to accept it. If false, torment
overtakes ones soul and pain like no other is known all
to intimately. I have experienced both sensations, and
know them all to well. I, however, never fail to feel virgin
emotion in all cases, like they are completely unknown.
That's a quirk that I find fascinating about humanity.
We are not satisfied with anything, and this leads to both
pain and joy. Yet we cannot truly understand these things
outside of the experience that composes their bittersweet
syphonies.
I feel these horrific shades as I compose this
oratory. The object of my undying affection speaks
to another. Their feelings are not true, but they
are strong, and the pain caused by this knowledge in
me is matched only by my desire for it's departure.
However, being a typical human, I cannot let go, as
I love her, and being apart from her is pain in and of itself.
My paradoxial situation is simply this. I cannot
be with her, for she has feelings for another upon
her love for me, and I cannot be away from her, lest my love for
her rip me asunder. I reside in a limbo of emotional
turmoil and frail tempests of rage, and lonliness.
I sought peace from my Hell, by attempting to end
US last night, but that cannot be for my love of her
is to strong, and I cannot bear to let go of her beautiful form,
let alone allow my heart to ungrasp itself. I cannot.
